According to WebMD (a website that exists to convince healthy people that they are very, very ill) defines “demi-sexual” as a person who needs to form “an emotional bond” with another person before becoming sexually attracted to them. Turns out I know more than a dozen couples who are, in fact, “demi-sexual,” and don’t even disclose it in their social media profile. In my younger days, it wasn’t that uncommon for young people to hang out as friends, often for several years, before realizing that they are attracted to each other, and form a happy family.
That happened to me and my husband, as well. Getting to know someone and forming “an emotional bond” with them, as opposed to jumping into bed (and hoping that abortion is still legal in your state the next morning) is the best way to create a long – lasting and fulfilling relationship. But what used to be called “a normal human behavior” is now classified as “a sexual deviation” and is qualified for its own letter in a rainbow moniker.
Young people today would rather die than admit to their friends they are normal humans. Every day they don’t “come out” with a new pronoun, sexual orientation, or a DNA test result revealing they are 1/00024 aboriginal islander has been lived in vain. Nobody on TikTok is impressed by you volunteering at a homeless shelter or buying groceries for an elderly neighbor. The best emojis are reserved for the most creative sexual “identity.” And throughout her young life, Michaela Kennedy-Cuomo has had an “identity” to match every pair of shoes in her closet.
“When I was in elementary school, I feared that I was lesbian.” (Here, we must shed a tear for all the kids in Florida elementary schools who may not find out they are “a lesbian” until 5th grade.)
“When I was in middle school, I came out to my family and close friends as bisexual. “(Here, I must admit that when I was in middle school, I came out to my family and friends as an astronaut, only to forget about it two months later.)
“When I was in high school, I discovered pansexuality and thought, ‘That’s the flag for me. “
I, myself, discovered “pansexuality” about a year ago, wasting my time on social media. To find out what it was, I went to the best experts on sex education: my kids. They told me that “a pansexual” means someone who is sexually attracted to everyone.
“So basically, it is a teen with raging hormones and a death wish” – I replied. “Turns out I know many of those too!”
Every noun in Merriam Webster is now qualified as “a sexual identity” – just because an incoming class of gender studies majors at every Ivy League School will need a job four years from now.
As for Michaela Kennedy-Cuomo, I am afraid I have some bad news: you are a young, attractive, straight, and extremely privileged white chick who will never have to earn a living. I know it’s a tough pill to swallow, but we all have our shortcomings.